Published in The Haven·15 hours agoI Called God About the Mess We’re In. God Put Me on HoldHas anyone else had this experience recently? ME: (Kneeling uneasily. Anxious). Hi God. It’s been a while. Well, more than a while, but you know that already. I lost my faith, and to be honest, I’m still not sure I’ve found it. But I don’t know where else to turn…Satire3 min read
Published in The Haven·3 days agoGOP Plans to Relocate the Oval Office to Rikers Island Prison in 2024Holding cabinet meetings behind bars should stop leaks, the GOP hopes. In anticipation of a convicted Donald Trump regaining the US presidency in 2024, the Republican Party has drawn up plans for the Oval Office to be transferred to the cell in the Rikers Island prison complex where Trump is…Satire3 min read
Published in The Haven·Sep 22The Big Secret is Out: Trump is a Mind Control MasterHe makes Bond movie villains look like good Samaritans It’s not the Big Lie we should be worried about it is the Big Secret: how is Donald Trump creating the alternative reality so many people now inhabit? The answer slipped out like a silent fart during a Fox News interview…Humor2 min read
Published in The Haven·Sep 19The GOP Quiet Quits GovernmentSaying “no” is the only policy. — The Republican Party is the latest group to join the quiet quitting bandwagon. “We realized that governing the country is really boring and unfulfilling,” said a prominent GOP politician who spoke from his fishing boat. “Besides, who needs all that stress? You get sucked into a ton of legislative crap…Humor1 min read
Published in The Haven·Sep 13An Open Letter to the Tree Beheaders Next DoorThanks a bunch for turning up the heat. Dear Canopy Cutter, Great Britain’s King Henry VIII separated two of his wives from their heads. You just did the same for three regal-looking trees on your back lawn. Henry did it because he liked to collect wives. However, I can’t fathom…Satire2 min read
Published in Slackjaw·Sep 9The Hungry Herring: A Taste Of Viking In Small Town AmericaLike slapping your taste buds with a dead herring — Nestled between a tattoo parlor and a nail salon, The Hungry Herring restaurant would be easy to miss were it not for the giant herring that hangs above its front window. If the incredible stuffed fish could talk (more of that later) it would be shouting: “The best Danish cuisine…Satire3 min read
Published in The Haven·Sep 7Plywood Shortage Looms as Russian Dignitaries Rush to Board Up Their WindowsKremlin points finger at the West for rash of swan dives A worldwide shortage of plywood sheets is imminent because so many prominent Russians are using the material to board up their windows to prevent themselves from falling out. …Satire2 min read
Published in The Haven·Aug 28An Open Invitation to the Mar-a-Lago Yard SaleGet here before the Feds do. Dear Neighbor, We were rummaging through my old bankruptcy scrapbooks the other day and had an epiphany: it’s high time we had a yard sale! So today I am announcing that the Mar-a-Lago Yard Sale is open for business. …Satire2 min read
Published in The Haven·Aug 22GOP’s Historic Truth Drought Almost at Deadpool LevelsFacts are becoming scarce as the political climate gets hotter — The amount of truth-telling by leading Republicans has fallen to such critically low levels that experts say it will reach Deadpool status by the end of the year. Deadpool is when facts dry up entirely and the ability to tell the truth breaks down. Since the megadrought is expected to…Humor1 min read
Published in Greener Pastures Magazine·Aug 19How to Give Some Color to Your Last ActKicking the bucket need not be a grave affair — Most people want to go out in formal, traditional fashion… but does this really express your true essence? Here are a few things you need to consider before you move along to the other side: INVITATIONS Sure, not everyone will be thrilled by a themed gig — even more reason…Humor3 min read
